anxiety. ;_;

sister's baby needs to come out soon so there's no complications. she is already at 8 pounds @_@ getting kind of worried because there's nothing any of us can do but wait.

hurry babygirl, auntie linna wants you to be healthy and happy, and to play with you <33

sister's boyfriend: are you feeling better?

me: what?

sister's bf: are you feeling better? your sister said you were sick.

me: ...........................i just worked the opening shift today.

sister's bf: oh..

what the hell? haha. there's soooooooooo many conversations like this.... it's a circus in this new house. really. lol

January was pretty terrible. The 31st being the extra bird droppings to fall on me.

I had a good cry though. As much as I have ranted in the last weeks or so, the frustrations and setbacks in my life have just been eating at me still.

I got a voicemail right before I got out of class, and I recognized it as my work's HR Worker's Compensation main rep number. Hoped for good, as I called Friday and left a message making sure my paperwork was going through. Nope. Did not receive my most recent visit's paperwork (but got the previous ones?!) and did not receive any notification from my boss. F.....

I cried a lot after the voicemail ended. I was so angry at these people whom I thought were dependable; basic "nurse" girls who chat all day long that can't fax a form right and my boss that said she would call and let me know what would happen next. Nope and nope. I hate having to be on people's asses for things as of late, and I get bit in the back in the end. I know this is all partly on me - should have been more careful at work, should have tried to nicely follow up with "nurses" and boss on their supposed care of me - but all these are accidents and I guess all parties should be forgiven since things JUST happen.. sometimes we just forget things.. Definitely kicked me down harder, as I woke up with more pain shooting up my ankle than it has lately... on top of still feeling pushed back with school as I try harder, there's just more weeds to find my way through.. on top of all over emotions that physical injuries throw at you, the frustration of having to physically move slower and more careful.. getting really mad when I have my foot boot off and I accidentally bang my foot, or mad when I get too tired from crutching around or slipping a little here or there because I wasn't careful with the crutches.. Why don't I just try to walk using the boot? I feel a huge return of pain after a few steps, making me regretting moving anywhere..

I cried harder when I put my car in park in front of the doctor's office (since I decided to pick up my forms and fax them myself). Just angry at all the carelessness from myself. Eventually stopped though and wiped all the salty water from my face, and walked into the doctor's.

Can it pleeeeeeeeease get better? I really do have the potential to work harder in all aspects of myself, but I think I am BEYOND emotionally exhausted from freaking the eff out every time I accidentally hit my foot or when my crutches aren't in perfect synchronized motion.

(Then just stop worrying about it.) ...Yeah, yeah.

Here's to a better month..

if you didn't know proper nutrition was important for your health- i feel bad for you, son. i got 99 problems, but cardiovascular disease ain't one!

#RapSongSuitableForSchool

i'm soooo tired/delirious.

so mad. so, so, so, so mad.

i know i'll get through bullshit. i'll get over the family bullshit, i'll get over wanting to slap him across the face whenever he talks down to me. i'll get over being one point fucking five units from transferring. i'll get over the demons in my mind, making me afraid of reality, making me taking things personally from people when i shouldn't. i'll get over everything that makes me hate myself. i'll persevere and i'll overcome these things.

but right now, i can't.